Here’s a dumb post about my workout

Periodic table of bodyweight exercises, find it here.
Periodic table of bodyweight exercises, find it here.

I’m finally working on a 6-7 day a week workout cycle. I’d had ambitions to experiment with 100 days straight doing something, but quickly realized that was an amusingly dumb idea. I need to find a certain kind of pace and balance before I murder myself that way. I sometimes like exhausting 90 minute cardio and strength something or others, and no way in hell I can do that for 6 days straight. I may be near that, I don’t know. I mean, I’m in good shape but I’m also still kind of old and fat, so, you know, caveats apply. Today I did do something that was a little different for me and it felt like a pretty (here’s that b-word again) balanced thing to do.

If I’m doing a circuit of bodyweight or kettlebell exercises I normally plan them out informally ahead of time, either off the top of my head or based on something I’ve seen on sites I visit, like 12 Minute Athlete or FitnessBlender. I write out what I plan to do, set my phone’s stopwatch and get busy. Today, rather than focus on reps, I decided to set the timer for 20 minutes then see what I could get done during that time, stopping when the timer buzzed no matter where I was. This wasn’t intended to be any kind of major workout–because I might lose motivation tomorrow if I slammed it today. Like I said, I’m old.

I ended up feeling pretty good and deciding I’d use this as a maintenance workout (as in I just wanted to sweat and work a bit, but didn’t jump up a level) again. Here’s what happened

Timer: 20:00

  • Burpees-8, 8, 8, 6, 6 (36)
  • Push-ups-12, 12, 12, 8, 6 (50)
  • Dumbbell curls, 2 x 25 lbs-6, 6, 6, 5, 5 (28)
  • Assisted pull-ups (see this page, level 3A)-8, 8, 6, 6, then 2 with strict form, no assist
  • Two-handed swings with a 53-lb kettlbell-12, 12, 12, 10, 10.

This ended up being a faster-paced workout than I sometimes do. I was sweating like a pig who just heard the farmer’s wife complaining she’s out of bacon. I think I could up the speed a good deal in the future and add sets. It hit most everything, though, and I don’t feel like completely flopping for the rest of the night.

As an aside–I hate most of the fitness-related writing I find online. I’m not talking about sports journalism; that’s a totally different animal. I’m talking about bloggers and various posts for websites, some of them really popular. Too often the tone is far too “that one gym coach you had in high school whom you plotted to blow up his house.” You know–it’s either frustrated drill sergeant or belittling jock. As in, “HEY PUNK LOOK WHAT I CAN DO CAN YOU DO THIS PUNK WELL, CAN YOU????”

I really want to avoid that when I do choose to write about fitness. If many of the people who take on that sort of authorial tone (honestly, this also applies to a lot of Youtube videos about working out–hell, maybe most of them) truly cared about helping others learn about the benefits of fitness, they’d be way more inviting and accommodating. Maybe shaming a person struggling with their weight and appearance will work for a time, and maybe it’s exactly what some people think they deserve, but it never worked for me, and I’m sure I’m not alone in that. I’ll do my best to not link that sort of thing, save for amusement value.

Maybe Almost Daily Workout Post

I’ll try to keep this brief because sometimes these fitness posts are really just for me.

I took a day off from exercise yesterday because I’m just kind of used to not working out, running etc. on Wednesday. It just makes sense. Today I decided to see what I could fit in a half hour. Here’s what I did. I used a 70 lb. kettlebell, 25 lb. weighted vest (for the push-ups only) and two 25 lb dumbbells.

  • 5 sets x 10 reps of KB Swings
  • 5 x 10 push-ups
  • 5 x 10 burpees
  • 5 x 10 Arnold dumbbell presses

I did the above circuit style (1 set of swings then 1 set of push-ups and so on; repeat) and damned if it didn’t take exactly 30 minutes.

No idea how many calories it burned or anything.

Just telling you. Don’t try this at home.

Another dumb, non-daily workout post

I don’t know how I went from 4 years ago being a guy who thought about exercising then shook my head at the foolishness of the idea (a mindset that can keep a lot of seriously overweight people from even starting, I’d bet) to being that guy who gets anxious if I skip more than a day, but that’s where I am now. This weekend I did nothing and this morning I realized the inactivity was driving me crazy. So here’s the (first? I’m considering a two workout day today) effective and simple nonsense I did this morning, between taking my wife to work and getting my youngest kid on the bus:

  • 50 burpees, ladder style (10, rest, 9, rest, etc. down to 1).
  • 50 push-ups in one set of 20 then two sets of 15. You can throw a push-up into a burpee and I considered that but I think the push-ups are more effective done as a separate exercise.
  • 15 pull-ups, done in a modified ladder–4, 3, 2, 2, 2, 1.
  • 20 burpees–wearing a 25 lb. weighted vest. Also ladder style–5, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

In the future I’ll speed it up and add reps and planks. This took 34 minutes but I bet I could finish it in less than 30. I might have done mile runs instead of burpees but situational and time constraints wouldn’t permit (another point in favor of the burpee–it can be a time-saver).

I may have mentioned this before but it bears repeating: if you’re going to do burpees (and again, this is just my workout, and is not intended as instruction in any way) with a weighted vest, make sure your vest has a comfortable snug fit and is relatively short in front. I made the mistake of buying a full-fitting vest (it looks like a flak jacket) and it’s great for push-ups, torso dips and runs, but the motions used in a burpee make it bunch and flap a little, which is pretty annoying.


Workouts! Eh, I don’t know. (Wherein the author digresses about the burpee.)

The goddamned burpee. (Photo by:
The goddamned burpee. (Photo by:, via)

Yeah, I have to accept I can’t commit to writing about working out all the time. Two main reasons: my workouts are often variations on a theme, therefore kinda-sorta same/same; I find other things more interesting. I definitely find a wide variety of fitness-related subjects fascinating, so I think the tack I’ll take when blogging about fitness will be more along the lines of covering whatever’s interesting to me at the time (strongman stuff, kettlebell lore, whatever).

That said, here’s what I did recently:

January 7

  • 50 burpees, ladder style (10 reps, 9, 8, etc…)
  • 5 sets of 5 reps of kettlebell cleans & jerks with two 53 lb bells (5 x 5)
  • 5 x 5 kettlebell squats, same weights
  • 4 x 8 reps of plain old curls with two 25 lb dumbbells, then 1 set of six reps.

I threw in three 1-minute planks. It felt like a pretty good workout.

January 9 (today)

Wearing a 25 lb weighted vest, I followed the following pattern:

  • 4 x 5 burpees–burpees in a weighted vest are something else, hence the low number of reps. I recommend them, but you need a good, close-fitting vest. Mine’s not great.
  • 5 x 10 kettlebell swings, with a 70 lb bell.
  • Burpees. Again. Same as above.
  • 4 x 5 reps of torso dips. Add a weighted vest and these are bastards.
  • 5 x 10 reps of “Arnolds” dumbbell presses with two 25 lb dumbbells.

I took off the vest and did two sets of 10 burpees, two sets of 10 dips, the rest of the workout the same as above. What’s funny is looking at it now, it’s a good, tiring workout, but at the time I felt like I could do more.

The couple behind my favorite online fitness resource often mentions feedback from people who like their videos about hating burpees. Anyone who’s ever done a few understands that, but at the same time, I can’t help but feel they’re a genius move in the world of bodyweight exercises. A burpee hits almost everything. And damned if you don’t feel like you have seriously done something when you’ve finished a set.

Then there’s the fact that they’re easily one of the most portable exercises imaginable, which is why if you read up on prison fitness (a weirdly fascinating subject I may cover in a future fitness post) you always read about burpees. I love running for my cardio, but since I’ve been living in a wintry climate and discovered that it’s just kind of a dumb idea to run in the ice and snow sometimes (though I still occasionally do it), burpees have been a lifesaver. Once I began incorporating the damned things into workouts, I found I could go 10 days between runs and then out of the blue do 4 miles at a fairly reasonable pace. Granted, my fairly reasonable pace as a runner is other runners’ fast walk, but still–I’m talking about endurance, here.

As miserable as they make me, I’m a fan of the burpee, and will include them in workouts as long as I’m able to do one.

While the usual disclaimers about my workouts merely being a record of what I’ve done apply, I will say, in closing, that you should learn to do a goddamned burpee. For your health.

Daily Workout Post (almost kind of daily!)

Tonight I’ve edged back toward making daily workouts daily again! Yay, the cold, hard universe smiles upon my puny efforts at delaying the grave! Anyway, yesterday’s workout was pretty thorough, so I thought I might lay off today. But around mid-afternoon I found myself doing pull-ups. Only 10 total, in a 4-3-2-1 descending ladder. I’ve felt bad in the past about the fact I never do more than 5 reps of pull-ups in a set, but then I looked in the mirror and remembered I’m a damned 195 pound man closer to 50 than 40 and I can divide my sets and reps however the hell I want. Tonight, I did a brief burpee workout, also sort of ladder-style–push-up burpees in 15-14-11-10 descending ladder, for a total of 50. As an aside, I also discovered the etymology of the word burpee, (a word redolent of certain body functions to the juvenile-minded like me) and it turns out every con’s favorite prison cell workout is named after some guy! Quoth the Oxford Dictionary: “[burpees are] named after Royal H. Burpee, American psychologist. The original usage was Burpee test, in which a series of burpees are executed in rapid succession, designed to measure agility and coordination.” See? They’re not named after what you do after 50 of the damned things jostle your innards enough to, uh, let off steam, as it were.

Daily Workout Post (that’s still not daily)

Since the first one went on a bit, let’s make today’s dumb workout post brief. I don’t pretend there’s any coherence to this one other than I’ve been in a day on/day off pattern and even though that’s 4 days a week, it feels like slacking, so I needed a whole body workout.

Part the First, in which our hero* addresses cardio, chest and arms:

  • Burpees x 5
  • Push-ups x 15
  • Burpees x 5
  • Arnolds” with 2 25-lb dumbbells, x 10. (Link goes to a video demonstration of “Arnolds,” which are, believe it or not, not named after that football-headed cartoon character, but the former governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger.)

I did four of each set in a circuit, for a total 40 burpees, 60 push-ups and 40 Arnolds. Or Ah-nulds, if you prefer the old hacky nod to the gov’s Austrian brogue.

Part the Second, in which our hero** addresses the need for an all-over body burn:

I did the workout above, as demonstrated by one of my favorite online fitness folks, Daniel, who runs the awesome with his lovely wife, Kelli. In the interest of full disclosure, I used a single 53-lb kettlebell (I’ve switched between the 53 and a 70 before) and added a minute’s pause at the middle of the tape, figuring I began the thing already pretty sweaty and tired. I love this FitnessBlender workout in particular because it’s a time-saver and it hits all the good stuff.

Parts 1 and 2 together timed out to 30 minutes.

Plug I give every time I mention them–I can’t recommend Fitness Blender strongly enough if you, like me, have personal and budgetary constraints that make you wary of the gym. I prefer to run 2-5 times a week if I can but winter in New England can make that a tough sell–a resource like the one provided by these guys is invaluable in that situation, as well.

The usual disclaimer: I’m essentially using blog posts like this as notes for an ongoing project. This isn’t meant to be instructional and before you try any of it, you should eat a candy bar and think about your life and know that I’m just some Internet idiot, and I like to eat donut holes and drink scotch in addition to working out. I won’t claim to tell you what to do fitness-wise but I can totally instruct you on those things. (Hey, this whole blog warns you about the “unreliable narrator” part of this deal, sparky.)

For real education on these kinds of things, you should park yourself at for a day and absorb their videos and plans like they’re your Jedis of gym stuff.

[Fitness Blender]

*Village idiot

**Middle-aged dipstick desperately fleeing the Reaper’s scythe

My Daily Workout Post (Which Probably Won’t Be Daily)

I’ve already botched one project I planned for 2014–some kind of workout, no matter how brief, every day–barring injury or illness. I skipped yesterday because, well, New Year’s. I mean, come on.

That said, if applying myself like crazy to fitness has taught me one thing in the last 3 years it’s that I am fully capable of not giving up when I want, and starting all over again the next day. So today I started the project as if today was the first day of the year, or something. Here’s the damned workout. Skip this post all together if this is not the kind of thing you like. That seems like it should be a given, but people are weird and the Internet is awful.

(Disclaimer: I’m not any kind of fitness expert and you should never try my workouts. This is for, uh, “entertainment purposes” only and in no way intended to be authoritative or instructional. Also, most workouts I post here will be some variation on something I’ve learned elsewhere. If I think a workout is constructed in an original way, I’ll say so. Otherwise, assume it’s a variation, a cover version. The following is similar to a workout described here.)


(I believe in warming up before a workout but am a little lazy about cooling down. Also don’t stretch before runs, if running is all I’m doing. I also eat donut holes at every opportunity. I’m a rebel, Dottie.) Two minutes of mountain climbers and burpees, 20 seconds on, 10 seconds rest. Living in a cold region with nasty winter weather, I’ve developed a masochist’s love for burpees for cardio when a run is just a dumb idea due to ice, cold and snow. I will work them into a workout whenever I can. I was a fit teen, had a strong upper body and did a lot of running, but I’m pretty convinced my legs have never been as strong as they are now and burpees have at least a little to do with that.

Workout (each exercise done with two 53-lb kettlebells) 

8 double kettlebell swings. Embedded above is a video of one of the trustworthy masters of kettlebell use and form, Mike Mahler. I can’t find an online fitness type who doesn’t occasionally say something that strikes me as a bit over the top or strange or extreme, but Mahler seems sane and his workouts well-considered. He’s clearly strong as a damned ox, which seems to prove he knows his shit when it comes to strength training. (Every online fitness instructor/guru says nutty stuff related to nutrition sometimes, but that’s for another blog post.)

4 double KB cleans and jerks. Or clean and jerks? I don’t know. Whatever, above is a shaky video of a woman who nails the form for these, based on what I’ve learned. These are my favorite kettlebell exercise, as they hit so many points and if you construct your workouts right, they can put on some muscle mass. You’d get a reasonable workout just doing several sets of cleans and presses. Or jerks. Agh. 

4 double KB squats. I hate squats, but that’s because I never knew how to do them right. Since I finally made them a regular part of my workouts, I’ve learned they’re one of the best strength-building exercises you can do for any reason. Learn squat form. Do them. Do a bunch without weight if you have to. But do them. They are, as long as you have no mitigating issues like hip socket problems or bad knees (my right hip is sometimes dicey, so I am very careful with squats), insanely good for you. This video is of Pat Flynn, another guy who’s staked out an online presence as a kettlebell-focused fitness authority.

I did the above five times through, for a total 40 swings and 20 of the other two exercises. It took 27 minutes. I rested for up to 2 minutes between sets.

If my kettlebell weights sound large, that’s only because the way kettlebells have been promoted to a general American audience is as a cardio aid, not so much a strength-building thing. The moment you start investigating online resources for kettlebell workout knowledge, you learn a five pound kettlebell is not a kettlebell, it’s a paperweight. Guys like Mike Mahler recommend women work with up to 35 lbs and 53 lbs is a good starting weight for a reasonably healthy man. Real humans, however, should consider starting with 20-25 for a woman and 25-35 for a guy, and maybe lay off some of the more complex, aerobicise-style shenanigans with the weight and aim for basic stuff like this.

Like I said, though, I’m no expert. It may be I’m just a lucky idiot that I haven’t had more than mild muscle strain since I started using them, and I’ve begun doing test workouts with a pair of 70-lb kettlebells, which I affectionately think of at the moment as my eventual death-in-waiting.

The next post like this is going to be a lot shorter, because, I mean, damn.